What should I do now?
This morning, after some good work at the bench, two people working with me wanted to discuss something. This wasn't the regular, I'm not sure how to do this experiment, or have those flies arrived?, or can I take the day off ?
This was one of those sombre sit downs. First, they both asked for time off. I thought to myself "Phew... That was easy." I was happy to get going from there, but a heavy question followed. One of them said they wanted to pursue a PhD in cancer biology. "OK, they are leaving this group I guess.".
But then one of them spoke about how much they want to do a PhD and nothing has panned out in many many years and that it was too late, and that they are dependent on their fiancé, and how much that is a burden on their conscience, and they've tried many different fields, and they want to stay in academics and not go to industry... The stream of thought was unbroken, and gained strength like their tears. Finally they asked "What should I do now?"
This question was specific to someone doing research. I know people (including myself) face this dilemma outside research as well. One starts with dreams. They don't materialise, and look like they never will. You're stuck wondering if you'll ever respect yourself. You associate little worth with your being. Life is going nowhere so what is the point.
Their problem was no different from what challenged my sanity in my PhD. Their problem is what has murdered by suicide, one Indian youth every half an hour in the past decade, be it for not making it to the best engineering and medical colleges or cracking the IAS exam. This problem is very real and not going away. One can debate societal solutions, but I offered a perspective from my experience.
I knew from a very young age, what I wanted to do in life. I was brought up on the notion "You take care of your work, and work will take care of you." The message was a certainty of good outcomes rewarded to those who work hard. And if you don't work hard right now, you'll certainly never do well. Neither of these diktats have been completely true in my experience. I wish we stopped simplifying life so much for adults-to-be.
For me, these notions were challenged at every step of life so far. Some of my peers who weren't all that great at school are living rich and varied lives. Others who were great, aren't necessarily aces in their fields. Normalising for motivation, talent, effort and field, lives have turned out very different. If my PhD has demonstrated anything to me, it is the truth behind that line from the American President Eisenhower "Plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.".
I have found it crucial to know what you enjoy doing and enjoy your line of work. In tough and uncertain times, it might be your only lifeline. True, you have to be honest and objective with yourself about where your talents lie. You have to do what your goal demands. And once you're in it, one has to forget about how things will payout.
Just today, I saw a tweet from an HHMI investigator invited to TIFR, who wanted to post a picture of a letter rejecting his PhD application to TIFR. There are others from the past two decades that I know of, who didn't do too well early on in their careers but were trailblazers later. These aren't people from a different time, like Einstein. This is now. I think, if you know what you want, know your talents and weaknesses, work hard, make use of opportunities and the best of one's circumstances, you still may or may not match your expectations. Certainty in life is largely a myth.
I wish someone had told me this in my Masters' and PhD, in a way that I'd understand. But even if they did, I think I may not have learnt the lesson. Life is an effective teacher but may not be a kind one.
My thoughts on this page are a lot more structured. I hope when I spoke, things came out more conversational, less abstract and pretentious. Now that I just read it, I can't be sure why I've written this out. Maybe it'll be helpful to someone at some time.
This was one of those sombre sit downs. First, they both asked for time off. I thought to myself "Phew... That was easy." I was happy to get going from there, but a heavy question followed. One of them said they wanted to pursue a PhD in cancer biology. "OK, they are leaving this group I guess.".
But then one of them spoke about how much they want to do a PhD and nothing has panned out in many many years and that it was too late, and that they are dependent on their fiancé, and how much that is a burden on their conscience, and they've tried many different fields, and they want to stay in academics and not go to industry... The stream of thought was unbroken, and gained strength like their tears. Finally they asked "What should I do now?"
This question was specific to someone doing research. I know people (including myself) face this dilemma outside research as well. One starts with dreams. They don't materialise, and look like they never will. You're stuck wondering if you'll ever respect yourself. You associate little worth with your being. Life is going nowhere so what is the point.
Their problem was no different from what challenged my sanity in my PhD. Their problem is what has murdered by suicide, one Indian youth every half an hour in the past decade, be it for not making it to the best engineering and medical colleges or cracking the IAS exam. This problem is very real and not going away. One can debate societal solutions, but I offered a perspective from my experience.
I knew from a very young age, what I wanted to do in life. I was brought up on the notion "You take care of your work, and work will take care of you." The message was a certainty of good outcomes rewarded to those who work hard. And if you don't work hard right now, you'll certainly never do well. Neither of these diktats have been completely true in my experience. I wish we stopped simplifying life so much for adults-to-be.
For me, these notions were challenged at every step of life so far. Some of my peers who weren't all that great at school are living rich and varied lives. Others who were great, aren't necessarily aces in their fields. Normalising for motivation, talent, effort and field, lives have turned out very different. If my PhD has demonstrated anything to me, it is the truth behind that line from the American President Eisenhower "Plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.".
I have found it crucial to know what you enjoy doing and enjoy your line of work. In tough and uncertain times, it might be your only lifeline. True, you have to be honest and objective with yourself about where your talents lie. You have to do what your goal demands. And once you're in it, one has to forget about how things will payout.
Just today, I saw a tweet from an HHMI investigator invited to TIFR, who wanted to post a picture of a letter rejecting his PhD application to TIFR. There are others from the past two decades that I know of, who didn't do too well early on in their careers but were trailblazers later. These aren't people from a different time, like Einstein. This is now. I think, if you know what you want, know your talents and weaknesses, work hard, make use of opportunities and the best of one's circumstances, you still may or may not match your expectations. Certainty in life is largely a myth.
I wish someone had told me this in my Masters' and PhD, in a way that I'd understand. But even if they did, I think I may not have learnt the lesson. Life is an effective teacher but may not be a kind one.
My thoughts on this page are a lot more structured. I hope when I spoke, things came out more conversational, less abstract and pretentious. Now that I just read it, I can't be sure why I've written this out. Maybe it'll be helpful to someone at some time.
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