Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Destiny..?!

As years whizz past, I subscribe to the notion of randomness. Succinctly put, $#!+ happens. Concepts of pride, hope and wishes in adult human life, appear evermore futile. It appears that human behavior and fortune are an outcome of genetics, the environment in which we grew up, physiology and random circumstances that we face. As invigorating the thought of being "masters of our fate" is, too many untold life stories speak otherwise. Shelf me in any religious, Shakespearian or Nietzschian system of philosophy you may, I say the genesis of these memes was foreseeable to start with.

However, I have no idea what to make of my dreams: these silly galavanting electrical romps in circuits of neurons, while consciousness sleeps. Some of my dreams have been very vivid, almost as though, I've been inside someone's head while they live heir lives. Please don't judge me for what I say next. Some dreams, have born a remarkable likeness to small episodes in my life to come. Maybe the likeness has been a post facto construct of my brain. It perceived something and drew parallels from instances on the hard drive and said... deja vu. I will not venture an explanation. But let me tell you of such instances.

The earliest such episode I remember was in 11th standard. I was looking at the chalkboard which  was green frosted glass. My sight veered to the left where I saw a short kid with one forearm missing. I continued to turn left where a girl in a blue and white uniform turned away and leaned to talk to someone in the back. This was nothing extraordinary or foreboding. I had had the dream before I joined Kendriy Vidyalay. It so happens that this vision manifested itself in reality. 

The next few "visions" came true in college. I was with my "tutor" in Pune University talking to some visiting students from Mumbai. There was a skinny tall guy, a skinny short girl and a tall girl as my head moved from right to left. I had dreamt of hugging someone on top of a misty hill in the dark. There was also that panoramic view from the top of Sinhgadh. There were a couple of others whose details I can't remember. I swear I had seen them before. In college I had a dream of sitting at a computer in a high red chair in what looked like a room with a white floor and black tables. It came true in Masters. I can't think of any dreams that came true in Dallas.

I write this today, because something happened yesterday. I can't say when I saw this dream. I had seen someone showing me some data... which looked familiar... on a laptop screen and when I turned left, it was someone in black T-shirt. It came true yesterday in Ann Arbor while interviewing for a Post Doc. 

I'm neutral and agnostic on the verity of these events, let alone assigning any meaning to them. Certain details give me pause. The child with one hand; the tall guy-short girl-tall girl combination; the tall red chair, black tables and white floors... could perceivably arise in dreams from nowhere though with a small probability. Having said that, I dream a lot. Then of course there are general views from mountain tops and hugs which could just be a product of hormones. People's experiences through life can sway them towards nihilism or destiny. At this point, I'm confused. Maybe I'll learn.