A Venom of a different strength

In breaths of different strengths,

Light as I felt when she smiled,

Heavy as she smiled at another,

Knowing each time, who it was.

The cycle rolls over, and over.

I inhale every time.

The stench was of love,

That rotted like a bright picked apple

The one apple which felt special

Not knowing how many lay beside it

Not in a crate for memories

But a casket to elsewhere.

I have loved blossoms,

Each one of them,

Buds that bloom,

And please many.

There she was, stumped by the other

That other, a connoisseur of nectar

There she sat, full in bloom

Waiting, glistening, oozing,

Perfusing her aura with glee

with a secret wish to wilt.

Whole patches like that one,

Luring everyone that passes,

Taken only by an imagined perfection.

Whole patches have wilted,

And I, have watched.

There she was,

Almost bearing fruit

Her fragrance was once touching

There was solace in her feel

The solace turned thorny

Sending hurt my way.

And I watched.

There she was, sans her scent,

Uncaring, unfeeling, stolid.

Her colors now glossless

Still with the essence I loved

The eyes and smile,

Hardly as brilliant anymore.

I'm still enchanted,

But I watch.

She has lingered my mindscape

Oh ssooo much so.

She has been my muse

And doesn't know

When I nearly died, and I thought of her

Which was when I felt the most worthless

When I told her of my fixation, she said to me,

"Thank you for saying such nice things about me."

I laugh, I weep, I sweep it up

And one by one, let each petal drop,

Yet, I watch.

There have been buds

That I've seen open

Imagining I'm the sun.

They've been lush

They have blushed at me

And brushed away every bee

All for me, just for me.

I, Sullen as a once favorite toy

Stowed away in an attic somewhere

Not imbibing such sweetness

Unappreciative of the honeyed mist

The smiles I let float past

A love that would last

If only I let go of the past.

And yet, I watch.

I bear such venom

For me and all.

What does it take to find the blossom,

That doesn't rot away before its time?

For whom you don't turn to grime,

Admiration for whom just won't die

In whose ecstasy I can lie.

And yet I watch.

I watch and watch and watch.

Adding to the zillions

Who have watched, are watching and will watch.

Hoping the adages are true,

The journey is worth it,

And its better to have lived and loved

Than never have loved at all.