Soul-crushing temples

Usually, acknowledging the existence of an underlying coherence in the vast unpredictable universe brings me humility and gratitude. Being brought up in a Hindu family, the images, stories and prayers we heard as children bring me personal comfort. No fundamentalist rationalist/atheist or Hindu will claim me fully as one of their own. I'm fortunately in a place in life where I can say that I don't care. Religion to me is deeply personal. Ironically, I have seen that sharing the experience with a group though is more powerful than most human experiences can ever be. History, though is one long testament to how that experience has been subverted for political and commercial gains.

With that out of the way, let me say that during my teens and twenties I so strongly believed that any connect with any deity is so personal that going to temples is meaningless. If God is everywhere, why does anyone need a single place of worship? However, in my in my mid twenties, when I went to a temple in Dallas, the rush of warm feelings for 'my' people and 'Gods' was indescribable. I have since then, not been completely averse to temples. God/the Universe may be everywhere, but temples help the puny human mind deal with such immensity.

In recent times, I have been to the Birla Mandir in Hyderabad with family. Whether it was the reconnection with Hyderabad after twenty years, gratitude for our baby daughter, some semblance of professional stability, the full moon, sparse crowds or all my worries for the future that gushed out as tears, I don't know. My eyes wouldnt stop welling up. It was gratitude more than anything that I felt very strongly in that instance. 

But then I have also been to Sri Sailam and Mahakal, Ujjain and a small temple here in Nacharam recently. Theformer two are among the 12 jyotirling. I did feel the same flow of emotions as I just described, but only very briefly in view of the sanctum sanctorum. Right from getting out of the taxi when people accost you to sell everything, from the tilak, prasad package and rides to the temple to VIP tickets to cut lines for the viewing has me feeling dirty. All of this has legal sanction. It must be remembered that the temple's board is largely clerics. You'll find clerics fighting with each other trying to do the worship ceremony for groups of devotees. They're not that excited for your soul. They're fighting for a chance to get paid. At the end of the Pooja, they ask you for extra "donations" unashamed. Craftsmen asking for tips I can understand: There are skills for services, and then there are living expenses often not commensurate with each other. But when priests, who religion says should lead pious lives, trusting in what God provides, start behaving like chaiwalas, it is hard to avoid contempt. There is a new frontier to God tourism. Adjacent to temples are religious theme parks. Had they been genuine showcases of culture and storytelling, I would have nothing to say against them. Some displays are so poorly made that it is clear that taxpayer money and all the money the temple makes in God's name went into pockets where God has been looking the other way. How God has been commodified is disgusting.

I have seen a few people in the jostling masses lose emotional breaks and sob unstoppably feeling that sense of connection with God/ the Universe. I don't know why the others bother. Some people coming to the temple appear more concerned about looking religious on Instagram than feeling anything about their place in this world and beyond. Maybe they don't know that asking an idol to fulfil desires is not how the Universe works. Maybe they don't know that an idol cannot correct flaws: that correction comes from introspection, recognition and action. I don't know. Maybe the few that do benefit make the whole thing worthwhile.

I thought I should put this out there somewhere. I've seen different ways in which "Godmen" have leached on societies in different countries, no matter the religion. The commercial structure around temples is soul-crushing and feels like a personal insult. But I guess if you like wild Lions, you'll have to tolerate ticks. It's not like I can do anything about it.