19 till I die

Will she consider? Life, just got real... again. I'll hopefully graduate with a PhD soon. The last time it got real was when I was about to finish my Masters and had no idea where life will take me. I was crapping bricks because I wasn't sure what kind of letters I'd get from my Boss for my applications to grad school. The metaphor is apt, I assure you. Before that, I was crapping bricks (very apt again, though it doesn't do justice to intensity), when I didn't know whether I'd make it to a decent university for my masters. This time... I really can't say where my luck and past nearly six years in this lab will take me. The normal, strong minded reaction would be to swallow your apprehension, see where life turns and make the best of that situation. Survival and thriving in whatever situation you are, makes you evolutionarily viable, for several generations. But then, I'm the kind of person who knows a good blogpost when he conceives it, most of the ...

Ragestorms on my Mindscape My Mindscape, a living breathing land, grows and sprouts ideas and emotions. In a dynamic balance Between three fiefs One of Peace The other of Pleasure The third where Putrescence thrives. They grow, they shrink At each others' cost. Ideas are born and emotions emerge Ideas disperse and emotions are buried Lurking incessantly like phantoms, Their aggregate is seldom lost. They grow in Peace  And animate Pleasure They subsume, consume and thrive on each other. In this indelicate balance remains An unstable ecosystem of my Mindscape. In bouts of extroversion, I split the skies or let it rain Then shut it all, in dark, dank pain. Summer came by and beamed. Once balmy, then sultry With sensuous, sunny, warm rain And a rainbow shone above. Pleasure flourished With crops of joy, With harvests of stupor In a happy haze,  Gushed complacent gutters. So, Putrescence too made gains, Wai...

A Venom of a different strength In breaths of different strengths, Light as I felt when she smiled, Heavy as she smiled at another, Knowing each time, who it was. The cycle rolls over, and over. I inhale every time. The stench was of love, That rotted like a bright picked apple The one apple which felt special Not knowing how many lay beside it Not in a crate for memories But a casket to elsewhere. I have loved blossoms, Each one of them, Buds that bloom, And please many. There she was, stumped by the other That other, a connoisseur of nectar There she sat, full in bloom Waiting, glistening, oozing, Perfusing her aura with glee with a secret wish to wilt. Whole patches like that one, Luring everyone that passes, Taken only by an imagined perfection. Whole patches have wilted, And I, have watched. There she was, Almost bearing fruit Her fragrance was once touching There was solace in her feel The solace ...

Dear You, I hope you don't mind being the recipient of a long email. Sort of felt like writing something. :) I just recently went on nice road trip. I needed to get away from things. It's amazing what kind of a degenerate, self cannibalizing rut people get themselves into. I did for sure. But anyway, I found, like many others have, driving is a wonderful way of getting your mind off things. Literally, your mind needs to be on, the, road. Anything less and that you'll be smusch in no time. America is a good continent to drive. You drive and drive and drive all day and not see the same scene again. That again, is subjective. You could drive and drive and drive all day and still be in the middle of nowhere Texas where everything is flat and dry and just like Oklahoma... or Arkansas or New Mexico. :D But then again, it's enough to make you stop thinking of what you thought would happen. The only transition I saw was when between Missouri and Illinois. The rain helped....

Venom In that room, that big room That big room with light and breeze Where bright minds strutted,babbled and cackled With the grace of ibises And agility of hawks The beauty of peacocks And seductive persuation of Koels I sat, in the back and breathed it all. They could say,  What they already know. That we do not know That we don't know it all. In stead they're grandiose Like their sires and mentors Convinced their half truths,  Are magnificent edicts, Edicts of an imagined reality A truth we pretend to clasp. Just so that we can say to next man, It is now in my grasp, And still not yours to have. I breathed the stench of pettiness Of an ailing noble endeavour, Its spirit pickled in vanity. The stench of a macabre dance On the slime of ignorance The semi dirt of half knowledge In a rain of pretense, A fetid play of power, The violation of truth In an obscene mist of joy. I imagined it different, My n...

Who do I tell about the moon now?

Venu s Embittered by the Moon I sit by myself and mope Not feeling love again Sitting here with no hope. I wanted a smile and warmth. Venus gave me that and more Her warmth caressed me in stupefied sadness, In the isolation of being away from home, The abject loneliness of being alone. Venus knows she has it all Many a poet have noticed. The artists won't stop, The sculptors' jaws drop, Stargazers remain fixated. She pervaded my thoughts, Nearly seeped into my heart. That seared some scars, That have been opened before. The Moon was like that, Glowing over many skies Glinting in admirers' eyes Turning stony resolve to dust. My eyes had glinted My soul was splinted Until I could trust no more. Venus, I don't blame you You tried and tired Never getting the trust you desired  And shot right off my sky. You'll shine your rubor And sink men in stupo...

I don't know why I'm blogging this I gave a work presentation recently. It was well received and applauded. I was happy. A lot of work was shown investigating a stunning new finding. The finding is beautiful, the results I showed were consistent and the experiments were tight. But, a certain sadness and annoyance persists past the sprinkle of glory. The annoyance comes from having been told exclude data that does not fit in the picture that is currently taking shape, because it is not fully interpretable. Significant, high resolution data that at the moment was put in the backup slides, because the error bars were too large. In addition, I was asked to remove details to show a simple trend: take away data points to make a graph look linear, almost like adding a trendline. Further, I was told to remove data in which no obvious pattern emerges... because there was too much detail. It has to be made crystal clear that no unethical manipulation of data occurred. It was ...

Dream Series-2 Whether it was the three mugs of coffee and and heavy lunch before the siesta, an odd sleeping position or wonky mattress I don't know. This afternoon I had the oddest dream, bordering on psychedelia. I was on a bus with my parents. This was no ordinary bus. We were the only ones on it. It was like a big wide room with bright, off-white hidden lighting like a corporate board room. The seats had the same colour of the light.  They looked firm, but felt like cushion air. That's right, this dream incorporated the sense of touch. The seats were partitioned such that each person was half an arms length away, and pointed in the direction we were driving. Papa said something about a conference he was taking Amma and me to. I looked up ahead. This bus was moving on a strange landscape. I could only see flatness all the way to the horizon in front of us. We were gliding along on a two lane highway, the bus taking up both lanes and nothing moved in sight, except that str...

It's been a bumpy ride, Science. But this ain't over yet. You just made my hair stand on end... again.

In Conversation Me: "We're cool. I'm not keeping accounts." Person B: "You're a good man." Me smugly: "I know!" Person B: "I take it back." Me: "I still know." :)

In my bed solemnly I lie Thinking of how time flies It's been seven years  Since Sushrut was my roommate Together we studied, roamed and ate Today he called to say His Dad's lungs are filled with fluid That Cancer is gargling them away I feel his pain I feel his angst The misery of tied hands I spoke to Dhhakkin recently I've known him since I was three We've cracked the same jokes Shared interest in birds Had nothing in common And still been brothers The day he got a job  The day he got a raise I thanked powers that be At least some justice I got to see Amma's smile and Papa's jokes Noshi's rants and profound thoughts Support my being, in my inner space And then there are people to deal with Who are fickle and unkindred We chat We joke We congratulate each others' acheivements We revel in profundity Somewhere, sometime I learnt This cheer is affected The lesson made life simpler And yet you are as protected From...

                               Dreams Series - 1  I LOVE dancing and tango is such a refined experience. Fine people looking oh so fine swiveling to subtle melodies is charming, relaxing and leaves a sweet buzz. You see beautiful, you hear mellifluous, touch warmth and you inhale human and the body integrates these sensations into soulful rhythms. There is more life in each second on the dance floor than say, in the lab. With these sensations, and the cigar after, I went to bed. And a  very  vivid   dream  blanketed my being. It was a strange  dream . I was in a room by myself. It was a sparsely furnished hall. It was definitely homely and comfy by me. The sun shone softly through what looked like lacy curtains. Someone came in to get the place ready for my stay, and left. He gave me a sense that it was a temple's accommodation. Made sense, the place looke...

The Frigid moon The evening was warm The breeze was nice I liked the Moon Her smile was spiced She glistened like gold among the stars She glowed softly I didn't see Venus pass She looked at me and I held her glance Dazed like a boy of fourteen Struck by her charms We saw her spin about heavenly bodies She convinced me though I had her on a leash It was I who held her From darting off to Jupiter That it was me she craved Or so she raved The Earth popped up in discourse And then she wept a drizzle It's the earth that makes her dance It makes her shine and dims her glow The earth is hers eternally And this, I should know I just wanted the smile The frolicsome joy and blissful gaze Through the city and through the haze On bouncy and on humdrum days The wind turned chilly She turned a stern grey Behind a building, inching her way The winds slapped my face And she didn't care For the strength to match the earth is rare The the night went o...

My experience at the Passport Office Life had promised a delightful vacation. Two and a half years of slogging made me lose my fizz. Each workday had the aftertaste of a hot, sweet, terribly sour and flat soda. And I thought to myself, this holiday is going to be brilliant and I deserve it (maybe). The day I land, I'll fight off jetlag. The next day I'll chill with my parents and pack for Poly's wedding (which did turn out to be a lot of fun !). After the Visa Interview at the Foreign Consulate next morning I'll catch the train to Bangalore. The only impending problem was: Who will collect my passport bearing the fresh Foreign Visa stamp while I'm away at Poly's Bash? But as a lot of you know, everything had a rosy tint about it, until my Visa interview. Actually, the nightmare had not begun at counter no. 11 where I gave my interview to some American (who looked like the last guy had pissed him real bad). It was afterwards, when t...

Ailing Curiosity bibeebee BEEP....... bibeebeeBEEP .......... bibeebeeBEEP. .... hmmmmm.... guud morning...... what time is it?...... nearly seven... no biking today.... mmmmmm.... let's sleep in . ... zzzz.... maybe not.... If Jawahar Bhaiyya wakes up... it'll be an hour before I can use the bathroom . Alright! Let's leave my island bed and cross the Great Barrier Reef of Clutter to get to the bathroom... And so started my Sunday morning. People are astounded by how/why I wake up early on Sunday. Frankly, I have nothing better to do. The world averages eight hours of sleep a day, a third of its lifetime. What a waste! I wish we could do away with it entirely. But what would I much rather be doing? Something worthwhile perhaps. I would workout or go biking maybe, but it's not happening today. The other worthwhile thing would be to get some work done. ....yeaaahhhh..... Work! I need this experiment done. It'd be cool to see the phenotype. And based on where th...